Review of Les Miserables (2012)

**Contains Spoilers. Do not read if you do not want to know what happens in the movie**

I finally jumped on the band wagon and watched the critically acclaimed Les Miserables. A little background on me: I did theater around the Houston area for nearly 20 years. I am trying to write and publish scripts now and am an avid movie watcher. I don't particularly like musicals, though, because the continuity of acting-singing-acting-singing isn't very realistic to me. I find it hard to suspend my disbelief when someone is on their death bed and breaks into song and dance. But considering Les Mis is an opera, I gave it a go.

So the movie basically stars Wolverine, Gladiator, and the Princess from Princess Diaries. It takes place during the French Revolution and opens with Wolverine as a slave or prisoner or caveman or something under the orders of the Gladiator. Through a bunch of musical scores we learn that he has been imprisoned for nearly 20 years for stealing bread but is now eligible for parole and is set free. He manages to make the Gladiator angry so they vow to always remember each other.

Wolverine moves on to remain a petty thief because (surprise, surprise) no one trusts an ex con. Except the priest who gives him a second chance. This is where I start to have a problem with the character. Wolverine decides to change for the better and hand his life over to God in order to be a better man. But in order to do that, he breaks his parole and lies about who he is which kind of goes against making yourself a better person. In sort of makes you an identity thief. So he tries to be a better man by lying about everything.

Fast forward a few years and Wolverine is now the mayor and no one recognizes him as the ex con that they all shunned. He is a business owner that Anne Hathaway works for. For some reason all the other ladies really hate her. She's trying to make extra money to take care of her daughter, but that is just unacceptable and she ends up getting fired. Now, I know very little about the French Revolution (and most other revolutions for that matter) but instead of trying to find another job, Anne immediately resorts to selling her hair, teeth and body. Needless to say, she is pretty miserable. Wolverine happens to stumble upon her and realizes that she used to work for him. At the same time, the Gladiator finds Wolverine and recognizes him as the con that broke parole and tries to take him in. But Wolverine wants to do well by this poor prostitute he barely knows that is dying in his arms and singing oh so sadly, so he promises to care for her daughter, sight unseen. Wolverine rescues Cosette, the daughter, from her unsavory guardians and takes her into a life of hiding to live with him happily ever after.

Or not. Fast forward a few years later....

Cosette is now an adult and falls madly in love with a revolutionary on the streets just before he goes to battle and she has to go into hiding with her ex con papa again. That Gladiator will not give up! A battle is fought, people die (in fact almost everyone dies), Wolverine saves Loverboy from the grips of death and while en-route runs into the Gladiator. Songs are exchanged and they go their separate ways. At this point, Gladiator feels like a complete failure. One man has escaped him for nearly 20 years. I guess this is the only mistake he has ever made because he doesn't take it well. He jumps off a bridge and kills himself. While singing. And Russell Crowe is probably the weakest singer in the entire movie, in my opinion. I giggled every time he sang. Don't get me wrong; I wouldn't do any better. But I would've played a character you love to hate like Helena Bonham Carter did.

Now you think that everything is going to end happily, right? Wrong. Cosette and Loverboy get married, but Wolverine dies on their wedding night, completely ruining every wedding anniversary for them for the rest of their lives. Anne Hathaway shows up as Wolverine's guardian angel or some such nonsense, which doesn't make sense because they barely knew each other. Of course, he did raise her daughter. But he did it while on the run and in hiding half the time. And he died on the most important day of her life.

All in all, it wasn't as hokey as I thought it would be. And yes, I know that if you loved the movie you'll disagree and if you hated it you'll disagree. But that's the beauty of having an opinion. It's your point of view.

The Verdict:

I give it 3 of 5 whatevers.